So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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