Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
