I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
