What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
