I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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