So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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