He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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