Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
