have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
