i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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