I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
