There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
