yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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