In the future we'll all be gay
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
