but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When are your genitals available?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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