I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
