They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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