I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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