so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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