u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
did i walk over a car last night?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
