Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
vagina is talking i cant
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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