do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
