Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
