some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
