dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
