Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
