My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
