If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
