My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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