white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
