I skipped work to stalk him.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
