i jhust puked up my retainher.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
