Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
