I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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