There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
