She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
