Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
