This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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