Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
