We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
