had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
