I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
