I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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