Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
