did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
