Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
