Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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