i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you had me at cake vodka
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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