And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
