i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
