It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
