He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
