dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
