I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
