dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
