He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
