Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
