Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
