she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
