This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
