Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
