your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
