On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
