He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
