you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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