once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
