Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
try to milk me bitch
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