FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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