you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
