If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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